ABC’s Desperate Plea: Roseanne, Save ‘The Conners’ from the Chopping Block!

In a twist of fate worthy of a prime-time sitcom plotline, ABC executives are reportedly on their knees, figuratively speaking, begging former star Roseanne Barr to resurrect “The Conners.”

Sources close to the network reveal that executives are scrambling to salvage the show from the brink of cancellation. With ratings plummeting faster than a Wile E. Coyote anvil, ABC is pulling out all the stops to lure Barr back into the fold.

“Please, Rosy, we’re in dire straits here!” pleaded one executive, presumably while clutching a box of tissues. Whether Barr will answer their desperate pleas remains to be seen, but one thing’s for sure: this saga is more dramatic than any soap opera on daytime television.